hhh..knapa yah..jadi terngiang-ngiang lagu kidung yang enakeun ituh di telingaku..mungkin karena saking kangennya sama si dia yah..sayangku satu-satunya itu. si blacky, babiat namale..banyak banget c panggilan sayangku bwat dirinya...:)

tapi lagu itu bikin gw agak relieved sedikit...coz kata-katanya meringankan dilema gw yang sama sekali mesti menyudahi hubungan istimewa gw ma dia..

¨tak selamanya mendung itu kelabu¨...

gw selalu yakin..gw dan dia is meant to be forever..
gw juga punya keyakinan alias iman yang besar banget kalo gw inget dia..inget hubungan kita..
walaupun, gw disuruh menyudahi..teteup dalam hati gw yang terdalam..gw ga bisa..n gw ga mau..
dan yang paling terutama...gw ga tega lyat dy kehilangan gw...sakit banget gw lyatnya..apalagi kalo malam sudah tiba...gw bisa ngerasain sakitnya..waktu dy nangis n bilang dy butuh gw..damn...I cant leave him like that..

dy suka bilang..¨separuh jiwaku hilang waktu ak kehilangan kamu¨
n gw juga ngerasain hal yang sama..rasanya berat maw maju..rasanya kalo dy itu mimpi..gw ga maw bangun2 lagi kalo udah tidur..

gw n dy...is meant to be forever....

mungkin saat-saat ini adalah saat-saat pengujian cinta kita...
jangan menangis sayang...hapus semua airmatamu...karena aku akan selalu ada disini..
walaupun kau tak mampu melihatku...

I will always love you...

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tak selamanya mendung itu kelabu
nyatanya hari ini, kulihat begitu ceriah

hutan dan rimba turut bernyanyi juga
membuat hari ini berseri dunia damai

bintang berkelip dengan jenaka
seakan tau hati dan rasa
oh kidung yang indah
Kau luputkan aku dari sebuah dosa..ku

tak selamanya mendung itu kelabu
nyatanya hari ini kudapat bernyanyi kepadanya

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God, I miss you sooo...bad. It seems like Im always in an on and off relationship with YOu..forgive my inconsistencies. I know You´ve also been waiting 4 me Your whole days. Wait for me so I can go back to Your arms so I can fall into Your hug. You know God, the most beautiful thing for me is to love You and free myself for You. I´m so thankful that I still keep my past diary. I have seen how much degrading I´ve grown. How negative and depressed. totally upset about myself and the future. I didnt know that it will impact me so wide. generally speaking about mu condition I began to see myself as a sweet, caring girl but a brokenhearted, lost her ways. If I´m another girl, Id be very sad on her. I want to cry for her just take a look once at her diary. I know shes been hurt so bad. And this is the side of me that I havent realize this time. I thought I was stupid. I thought I was a complete rebel. I thought I wasnt fine enough. But when I began to see myself from this sweet lil girl, I see a hurting, bleeding, frail, forsaken and lonely..having no one to trust and talk to but her diary. I see her as an actually strong being but is going thru something really tough. And at the end of the day, I´m proud of myself that I can handle it so well. I never scream or cry loudly but I handle it like a lady. really calm, poised, composed even tho so much was happening inside of me. and reading my diary has given me so much enlightenment and inspiration. I didnt know that I was good at writing. I thought I could stir one´s feeling by my writing. I never knew so much about me so I abandoned writing for so long. It could have been my passion but I ignored it. It could have been something Im good at but I dare not to express myself. I think I should start write lots of stories of mine. I knew Im a passionate writer. You know, God, my favorite place to write and cry and talk to You is in the bathroom. I dont know why but I love it there. I love it when Im naked coz I can talk to You for hours and for free. I can cry too. I cry a lot. I would never deny crying anymore. There was once in my life where I dont think crying is for me. but somehow I realize that crying is not a sin and you can do it as many as you need. sometimes you need to cry. sometime you need to talk. you need to let it go by such things. and I need to do it before God. coz only He that could make me relieved. like a little child goes to her big brother, Id tell Him everything Ive been going thru. I never act like Im strong before Him cuz thats the point Hes there for me. He should be my hero and savior. Theres no way I could be strong before Him. Its my inner child that comes to Him. my frail human side. I always come to Him that way, with that brokenness. I know He loves my brokenness and I love it when He loves me. Our love is so strong, so deep, so wild and so crazy. I cant find no better friend than He is. Hes someone who listens right to my heart. He never criticize me. He never care if I make mistakes on my attitude. what He cares is my heart. whats happening there and what breaks it. cuz He wants fo fix it. 

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i have a great new love naw.....:)  my love is none other than my best friend..sooo um, I finally fall for him after he make a mOve to be with me..since february this year..its all happen when I broke up and he broke up too...and it was valentine...he gave me a barney doll..its so cute...and in that moment when he gave me that..he said the L word...:) its so sweet..but I havent really love him at that time. so as time goes on..were going out a lot..and he´s there 4 me all da time..he´s the closest person to me..and I still remember when he said..¨I´m gonna make you fall in love wit me¨.. I just laugh when I see his sms..but, it did come true..I fall for him..yeepp, the only man on earth who is so caring, sweet, and a great lover. he bought me flowers, buy me lunch, take me to the library every weekend to watch movies, hes always ready when I need a ride:),..u know, lil things that makes you excited and love him more.. and he listens to all my heartache..pain, words..hes the one that I come to when I need a shoulder to cry, arms to hold,.hes been there for me all d time..and I believe that he has my back no matter what. I dont easily trust people..but wit him, its totally different. I trust him and I believe he wouldnt cheat on me. I never trust a person this much..but maybe in this trust, I have faith on him so I choose to believe it. our relationship is the most beautiful thing that ever happen to me..but its not dat everything comes easy..we face disagreements to..specially from people around us who thinks that were too young..and from people who hates us also..but it dont matter..when the love of ur life is next to u, holding u tight..what else´s matter? we´re going to spend our time 2gether til we die..coz we love each other..we might be too young..but we can grow together..we have this kind of promise that we´ll never leave each other no matter what. Im glad that Im in this rare relationship..the relationship that u cant find in everybody..and I think we should strive for this kind of relationship...hes always gonna be my dearest friend and lover:) i love u blackiee..

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Tawiah...shes a London artist..enak banget lagunya yang judulnya Every Step..listen to her in myspace..she blow me away..

´just becoz I cannot see doesnt mean I dont believe...bla2...´
 
if somebody knows her lyrics...please, lemme know..Thankkkuuu...LOL

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my bday party...gw ga pernah bikin party and gw jg jarank party..ga da yg ngundang c..haha..tapi kemaren, gw pengen banget bday gw dirayain..so I decided to make a dinner party..gw nervous gt, sampe ga makan..I need a positive responds...tapi sukses ko..huhu...thank God..they like the foods..:) trus kan dari pagi ujan mulu..ujannya gede lagi..gw agak2 khawatir gtu, halah.. soalnya dinnernya di luar pake tenda..sampe orang2 dah pada dateng masih ujan..eh, tapi pas kita maw makan..brenti donk..trus rada2 berkabut gt..kaya di fairy tale..God is so good..He knows how to make me feel special...trus, taun ini, gw dapet kado paling banyak dibanding taun2 sebelumnya..huehehe..well, this is my last year as a teenager...Ima enjoy it like I´ve never before

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today is my bday..although the party is tomorrow!! im happy turning 19..but it feels like any other day..I just wanna be more mature and responsible..and of course..makin my dreams come true. but today is really casual. I did my normal activities. nothing special..except for the fact that my parents thought my bday is tomorrow..haha..I dont mind though..
Happy bday to me
Happy bday to me..:)
Thank u Lord, for giving me chance to live till this day..cuz it means U still believe in me even tho not everybody believes in me..and I wont take this life for granted..I luv You

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GOd, i need tat limewire please.. I feel da need to feed my music soul more..but I cant do it without pirating. so please I need to change my linux to xp..i need some money. I cant wait to go back to limewire..sure U listen..

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¨there´s a lot of trial and tribulations you have to go through to get what you want, especially if you feel like it belongs to you...´

-keyshia cole-

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just wanna let u know..gw baru mulay les bahasa Belanda mulay hari ini..
finally..:)

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